It’s Been a While

I woke up this morning and realized it’s been a while. 

A while since I posted a blog post, a while since I wrote. And to be perfectly honest, a while since I felt like my life was going anywhere. 

I’m on the brink of changing careers (my day job, not writing). This is scary and terrifying,  but elating and exciting–even worse it’s all at the same time. A flurry of fantastic (and not so fantastic) emotions swirl around my head all the time. Rumination is a violent mistress – it attacks the depression and anxiety ridden and spins tales of what could be, what couldn’t be, and what definitely, maybe will be around like clothes in a washer. It isn’t a willing change; rather stress pushed me off the cliff, and I’m pretty sure it had a running start. 

 I keep having days where I oddly fantasize about selling what I own, buying a tiny house, and traveling cross-country. I could visit new places, meet new people, and finally enjoy life the way I want. Before, ya know, it’s too late. 

Alas, all things cost time and money, two things I don’t have. It’s been a while since I’ve had the pleasure, or curse, depending on how you look at it, of either. 

So that’s when I wondered if it’s really been a while, or if I’m just wasting time. What if instead of just existing, I could be scrambling to save those thousand lost moments and retain them for a lifetime. 

Everyone’s on a rat race: capitalism has trained us from youth that to be “successful” we need to buy a house, a new(ish) car, and make six figures a years to be “happy.”  The weirdest thing about that is that it’s not even TRUE. Time Magazine reports that the highest level of happiness occurs around $75,000 a year.  

Wait, what?

Everything we learned about the all-mighty dollar IS WRONG? 

You bet it is.

Because everything we have learned, everything we have been taught: it’s been a while since ANY of us knew what happiness truly was.  

I’ve spent my entire life scurrying for another degree, a good paying job, a big house, a newer car. And I’m utterly miserable. Anyone who knows me would be shocked to hear this, but I just don’t care anymore. 

Buy a house, buy a car, work yourself to death.

It.

Does.

Not. 

Matter. 

You know what does matter? Surprise road trips with our best friend and a dog, adventures camping in the wilderness, and hiking trips under the stars. A trip to the world’s worst restaurant and complaining about it afterwards. Running down the sidewalk barefoot in the pouring rain. A bungee jump into a deep cavern. And for the less risky of us, giving up coffee, standing up for what you believe in and taking small actions to change your life. Donate blood, adopt a family, volunteer at the homeless shelter. 

This isn’t a lecture on how to improve your life, not at all. But if it’s been awhile, you might want to consider some changes. 

I have to. 

Drop me a comment — what has been a while for you?